Parents, be cautious when you say ‘No’. It Can Harm Your Child’s Confidence – by Neerja Mahajan

How positive words build resilience, creativity, and confidence

An Article by Neerja Mahajan– a Tedx Speaker, Keynote speaker and
Corporate Leadership Trainer

It was a bright Sunday afternoon, and 10-year-old Rehan excitedly approached his father with a sketchbook in hand. “Dad, look! I drew a house with a garden, and I want to paint it! Will you help me?”

His father, engrossed in work, glanced up briefly. “No, Rehan, not now. You’ll make a mess. Go play,” he replied, his tone abrupt.

Rehan’s smile faded. He quietly put his sketchbook away and went to his room. Over the
following weeks, he stopped sharing his drawings with his father. Slowly, his interest in art
diminished, replaced by self-doubt and hesitation.

A simple, unkind “No” can ripple through a child’s life in ways we often fail to see.

Neuroscience reveals that rejection triggers the release of cortisol, the stress hormone, in the brain. For children, this can create feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure. Repeated instances can suppress creativity, lower self-esteem, and shape a cautious, risk-averse mindset.

But “No” doesn’t have to hurt; it can guide and teach when delivered with warmth and care.

Imagine if Rehan’s father had paused, looked at him, and said, “This is amazing, Rehan! Let’s plan to paint it together after I finish my work.” That small shift could have preserved Rehan’s enthusiasm and strengthened their bond.

Here’s how parents can make a thoughtful “No” empowering:

Acknowledge First: Appreciate the child’s effort. “This is such a creative drawing!”

Say No Kindly: Offer an explanation. “I can’t help right now, but I’d love to later.”
Provide Alternatives: Keep the door open. “Why don’t you color it with crayons for now, and
we’ll paint together tomorrow?”

Every “No” is an opportunity to teach resilience. Delivered with empathy, it can shape a child’s confidence and strengthen their trust.

Beyond parenting, abrupt “No”s can stifle leadership qualities in any setting, discouraging
initiative, creativity, and confidence in teams. Moreover, the act of saying “No” thoughtlessly can elevate your cortisol levels too, leading to stress and strained relationships.

Whether dealing with children or colleagues, be mindful of your words—they hold the power to inspire or suppress.

Tags: parenting tips, effective communication, mindful parenting, resilience building, leadership lessons, empathy in parenting, stress management, positive rejection

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