While love is pleasurable, enchanting, mushy and a lot more, it’s the metamorphosis into a long term relationship or marriage that is transformative for the lovers.
The pleasure often turns into pain and its usually the little things that can be hardest: the annoying habits, the repeated stories, the grey, gritty details of sharing a household.
It’s coping with the feeling that some things are actually harder, less strong, and less pleasurable that usually pulls the rug from under a marriage.
It’s even harder for celebrities and Movie stars for all the love and adulation they receive from their fans to the mundane necessities of married life. To top it off, intimacy with co-stars and other beautiful people around them by default makes life long commitments even harder.
Still there are a number of Bollywood couple who have experienced all possible detractions in their marriage but have ultimately stood by their spouse and espoused the importance hard work, understanding and forgiveness in a marriage.
They understood that infatuation wears off and only understanding and deep friendship beats the test of time. Only passion is never enough. Passion, sexual interest, or lust wears off or might become less important as we age. Only love, concern, and affection stay and bind us together.
One such couple that stood the test of time is Neetu Singh and Rishi Kapoor.
Neetu Kapoor was considered one of the top actress in Hindi cinema back in her time. With films like Amar Akbar Antony, Deewaar, Kabhi Kabhie, and Yaarana to her name, Neetu’s stardom was an all-time high during the mid-70s, but she chose to leave the film industry to marry the love of her life Rishi Kapoor on January 22, 1980.
Interestingly, Neetu and Rishi first became friends, then lovers, in a radio interview given to Anu Kapoor, she said that her first meeting with Rishi was actually quite disastrous and she found him quite a brat. According to her, the actor had a habit of bullying and that he would often comment on her clothes makeup extra, irritating her no end.
Rishi, was known as quite a player, with a reputation for breaking many women’s hearts. Neetu was initially wary of his advances, but Rishi’s persistence eventually won her over. As they worked together in multiple films, their bond grew stronger, and they soon became inseparable.
Many years later, in an interview with Simi Garewal in 1997, Rishi revealed that he would often get drunk and ask her to call his ex-girlfriend Yasmin to talk her into getting back with him. It was this brazen honesty and vulnerability that drew Neetu to Rishi.
In another interview on Anupam Kher’s chat show ‘Kuch Bhi Ho Sakta Hai’, Rishi commented, “I remember I had an argument with my girlfriend at the time and I was very heartbroken. Trying to win her back, I had taken Neetu’s help in writing telegrams to my girlfriend while the two of us were shooting for ‘Zehreela Insaan’.”
Rishi also revealed that as time passed, he began to realise that Neetu was the one for him and missed her when he had gone to Europe for a shoot. “Ironically, I sent her a telegram from Europe to Kashmir saying that I was thinking of her,” he added.
Neetu later, after losing Rishi to Cancer, shared on a Reality show, the contents of the telegram that simply said “Sikhni yaad aayi (remembered you)”.
A “commitment-phobic” Rishi, despite being head over heels in love with Neetu, still wasn’t willing to pop the question. In his biography, Khullam Khulla, he detailed the whirlwind of emotions and obstacles that preceded their marriage. He acknowledged that without his sister Ritu’s intervention, their relationship may not have progressed to the next stage.
Their marriage was far from perfect, as they weathered their fair share of storms, including rumours of infidelity and career challenges.
In an old interview, Neetu spoke about Rishi Kapoor’s alleged flings and she revealed that she caught her husband Rishi Kapoor “flirting on numerous occasions”.
“I have caught him flirting hundreds of times. I always seem to be the first to hear about his affairs on outdoor locations. But I know they are just one night stands. Two years ago, I used to fight with him about it but now I have adopted the attitude-go ahead, let’s see how long will you do it,” she reportedly said in the interview, adding, “We have become very confident about each other. I know his family comes first so why should I bother about his flings. They are just passing fancies. He is too dependent on me, he will never leave me. I feel that men should be given a certain amount of freedom. They are flirtatious by nature. One cannot bind them down.”
Ranbir Kapoor too confirmed that there were rather difficult phases in his parents’ life.
In an interview with The Big Indian Picture on the sidelines of his film Rockstar’s release over a decade ago, Ranbir, in a candid interview spoke about his parent’s marriage, when they were going through a rough patch.
“See, at that time, press didn’t matter, because I was also in the fire zone. I live with my parents. Seeing them going through that phase, I was very much part of it. I was right there.”
He continued, “I live in a bungalow; my parents live downstairs, I live on the floor above. I remember sitting on the staircases for four-four hours, from 1 am to 5 am, hearing them fight, break things… Everyone goes through it, it’s just that my parents were celebrities, it was out there in the press. It was a little embarrassing in school. Your friends don’t mention it, because they’re good friends, but somewhere there was a sense of, ‘I know what’s happening’. But you deal with it.”
What’s more important, Ranbir said, is that his parents worked their differences out. “They came out of this phase, and they found companionship, and love, and friendship, and all of that.”
Rishi passed away due to Cancer on April 30, 2020 and he spent his final days ensuring that his wife and children would have cherished memories of him as a loving husband and father.
He slowly transformed into a warm, affectionate person.
“Chintu Ji was a very loving person with a lot of love in him, but he never really showed it. He always kept his distance and bullied people rather than showing his love, especially with me and my children. He was more about respect and missed out on building close relationships with them. He was never a friend to them,” Neetu said on Karan Johar’s show.
Neetu further recounted the transformation after finding out that he had Cancer, saying, “That year, he opened up. He showed love, went towards me also he was so lovely. We had the best time.”
Despite losing a partner and friend, Neetu, who admits that now she has time to work in films as her children are grown up and the “demanding” husband isn’t around, continues to cherish and celebrate the love she shared with her husband.
